Goodbye (part I) by Bettina Bonkas
Story in two parts. 1st part:
Lara would always remember that moment when the phone rang. It was 6.10 on a Saturday morning. It was 10th March. She had been wide awake before which was rather unusual for her but no way would she get up that early on a Saturday, staying in bed was all she wanted to do. When the phone call came in, she knew straight away what had happened.
She dressed and left her house quickly. The drive to the hospice was a blur. All Lara could remember was that the weather kept swapping between sunshine and rain as if it could not make up its mind.
When she entered the building she could feel the silence which she had appreciated so much the week before. Immediately, a nurse came towards her and together they went to her granny’s bedroom. Lara felt very grateful for her presence. When she went to her granny’s bed, the nurse disappeared. Lara didn’t notice it, for her time had come to a standstill. On her bed she saw the purple petals, spread around her. On her bedside table there was a purple rose in a vase, next to a candle and an angel.
“I’m sure you really like it, Granny. You always had a taste of beauty in life. Your beautifully decorated tables were larger-than-life and your small flat was a dream. All the things here go so nicely with you.” Lara smiled to herself.
It was only then when she dared look at her granny, something she’d avoided before and she was shocked: She was so emaciated that it hurt, she was just bones. Her face clearly showed how much the cancer had drained her. She looked so different fromgrandad back when he died. His death had come as a surprise. Well, not completely really, not when you’re 91 but he hadn’t been marked by illness and so he looked even a bit youthful at his death. A surprised expression had been on his face: “That’s death?”, He seemed to say. “It’s not that bad, really.”
Lara had to compose herself. She looked away, took a chair and sat next to her granny. She had to force herself to touch her. Strange. It had felt so natural with grandad, to touch him and to even kiss him. It was so different with her granny now. She went into a dialogue with her and let her tears run.
“You’ve made it Granny. No more pain. You’re with your brother, your sister and the rest of your family now. I’m sure they’d been waiting for you up there. But we’re missing you. Why did you have to go so early? Why didn’t we get another chance, like with grandad and gran?” Lara’s voice broke off.
On impulse, she fled the room. Tears running down her face. Outside, she met a nurse.
“Would you like some tea?”
Lara nodded in silenceand a bit later they sat together in the cosy lounge of the hospice. Already last week, had she admired the fresh colours of green and purple in the building which went very nicely with the warm brown of the parquet flooring. Little details were lovingly spread all over the place. She experienced the whole atmosphere as tremendously pleasant and soothing. Thenurses handled death in a beautifully natural way. Only last week two dogs of one of the nurses came into her granny’s bedroom, whose bedroom door had always been open. Just not now, of course. Now everything was different.
“It was only last year that we got closer again and now she’s dead.”
Lara’s voice broke off. The nurse stroked her hand without speaking, sensing that Lara wasn’t finished yet.
“You know, granny wasn’t always easy. But I guess, the same is true of us. She had hurt my dad a lot. Before that our relationship was good but then granny went too far. As a result we weren’t on speaking terms for almost a year. When she celebrated her 80th birthday in February last year we went to see her. I think granny was really happy that we’d come. She didn’t say anything but the look on her face showed. From then on we met again and again and then, only in August, she was diagnosed with cancer. That wasn’t easy really. Our relationship was OK but not brilliant at the time, still a bit brittle. I prayed to God to help me support granny in a loving way. Not an easy situation, I didn’t want to fake my love. I called her from England, I was there at the time, and she was super happy about my phone call. I was pretty optimistic that everything would go well. I mean, my gran had bowel and colon cancer too, some years ago now, and and she got better.
In the meantime, when I was in Germany, I went to see granny. That wasn’t so easy in the beginning as ranted at the nurses in hospital. And I got agitated too. I just couldn’t get out of my mind what she’d done to dad and she’d got me involved too. At the same time I really wanted to help her. She definitely needed our help. So I tried whatever was possible when I was in Germany but I didn’t bust a gut, I was still too hurt.” Lara fell silent.
The 2nd part is coming soon.