All we need it love

Sternenglanz steht fuer All we need is Love

All we need is love: Lately, I’ve been experiencing many people as tired: tired because of too much work. Tired because of personal burdens. Tired after Corona, or currently again because of Corona. Tired due to the terrible wars and bad news that seem to have no end. My firm belief is that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. And ‘Why seek far afield? See, the good is so close.’ (inspired by Goethe). Yes, goodness can also be found in our daily lives. And with the will to shape, we can contribute to it. Perhaps my short story is an inspiration for you to positively transform something in your life. Enjoy: All we need is Love.

Continuation of “Mulled wine tastes good in Scotland”:

All we need is Love by Bettina Bonkas

That was the best news ever: Alva was back.

When Alva told her that she would come to Germany for a while to reopen her B&B, Martha immediately booked a stay with her. Alva’s partner was on a long tour with his band, and she had decided not to join this time. Instead, she would run her B&B. As much as she loved Scotland, where she now lived, she missed Germany. His tours offered a great opportunity to combine both: her B&B and Germany. In Germany, Alva was confident she would find a solution on how to connect both worlds in the future: a life in Scotland and Germany.

What a wonderful feeling to be back with Alva. Martha lay in her cozy room under the roof with a view of the castle park. She got up, walked to the window, and watched the birds picking food from the birdhouse. There was a lot of activity out there; it had snowed overnight.

This was something she still needed to learn: to incorporate moments of calm into her hectic life, like now with the birds. Doing nothing and just being. Okay, there was definitely room for improvement.

When she was ready, she went downstairs to Alva’s kitchen. The scent of coffee and fresh rolls wafted towards her. How she loved Alva’s kitchen: the vanilla-coloured kitchen furniture, the wooden table with cozy chairs, and the floorboards that creaked a bit when you walked on them. The flower boxes on the balcony were decorated with fairy lights. Oh, how beautiful! From the kitchen, you could also see the castle park. Everything had been covered with a layer of white powder overnight.

“Oh Alva, how I missed all this.” Martha hugged her caring friend, and Alva squeezed her tightly.

The two women sat at the kitchen table for a while, talking about Alva’s new life in Scotland, about Daniel, her partner, and about everything under the sun. But they didn’t talk about Martha. She appreciated that Alva gave her the space to open up. She needed that.

Martha used her time with Alva for walks through the old town. She often imagined who lived in the houses and what they were doing. For her, the Christmas season was a time full of magic that invited her to let her thoughts wander. And she used the time for walks in nature. She wanted to clear her mind.

Weihnachtlich geschmueckter Kamin mit zwei Stuehlen steht fuer All you need is Love

Fireplace Conversations

The two had settled comfortably in the living room in front of the fireplace. How Martha loved this room, the whole house, in fact. They sat in their armchairs, their feet resting on footstools, warmly wrapped in cable knit blankets. Just like last year. It was so comforting after a year full of turbulence.

“Thank you for giving me the space I needed.” Martha looked at her mulled wine.

Alva smiled.

“It has been a lot this year. I feel like I need a lot of peace right now.”

“Do you give it to yourself?” Alva looked at her questioningly.

“By necessity. I’m tired, so incredibly tired. I find it hard to switch off, constantly think about what still needs to be done, sleep poorly, I’m just exhausted. And world events are not exactly conducive to relaxation. My doctor strongly advised me to reduce my stress level. Well, and now I’m here with you. Where can I unwind better than with you?” Martha smiled.

“Would you like to talk?”

“I found your story, you told me last year, Alva, really powerful, and also your statement that it’s easy to fall into the victim role. However, I believe that I might be a bit too much in the other direction right now.”

Martha remained silent. Alva gave her the time to find the right words for her thoughts.

“I’m so much in the mode of doing and achieving that I no longer really know what I want. I’m somehow more and more cut off from my inner self.” Martha fell silent.

Alva did not immediately break the silence.

Wegweiser in zwei Richtungen steht fuer All you need is Love

Change of Direction

“You know, Martha, what I told you last year about how I dealt with my experiences, that was a process. When we take a certain, for us unhealthy, direction, we first have to recognize that it is not the right one for us. That’s the first step. Then it takes time to figure out where we want to go. And only then can we set out on our journey.” Alva took a sip of her mulled wine.

“This is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. When you discover something new about yourself, you have to give your brain time to integrate it. To make it a part of you. It’s exhausting to run in the wrong direction, pursue a goal that is not yours. It costs a lot of energy. That was an intense learning process for me.”

Alva paused briefly before continuing. “I noticed that you take time for walks and quiet. It’s good that you do that. Your body and soul need rest now.” Alva smiled at her.

“Oh Alva, I just missed all this so much. The calm at your place does me so much good. I can just be here with you. Suddenly I see things much clearer.” Martha leaned back on her chair with a sigh.

“I realized here with you that I’m currently a bit too much in the other direction. I’m so busy performing, delivering results that I’ve become more and more disconnected from my inner self.”

“Who do you want to impress?”

Martha fell silent before answering hesitantly, “My boss? My team? My colleagues? I don’t know.”

“I want to tell you something, Martha. I don’t know if you know that I studied law.”

Martha shook her head.

Career is everything. Or not?

“That was a long time ago.” Alva smiled. “My degree wasn’t sufficient for civil service, where I originally wanted to go. I found a job in an insurance company. I liked it. A solid insurance company. Good working atmosphere, nice colleagues & superiors, and good pay.” Alva took another sip.

“But that wasn`t good enough for my mother. She didn’t say it directly, more implicitly. With remarks about the son of a friend who had a successful law firm and how proud her friend was of him. Or the daughter of another friend who was a prosecutor. I made an effort and became a team leader. But, of course, a team leader is not a prosecutor.”

Glas mit Gluehwein der auch in Schottland schmeckt

Alva poured herself some more mulled wine. “I somehow had the impression that I had to make an enormous effort to achieve something. It felt exhausting. Also, I felt that over time, I became more stressed and irritable.” Alva leaned back.

“I lost my softness. Softness and empathy were not suitable for my job, so I thought. Instead, I wanted to be cool, show no weakness, and prove to the world that I had everything under control. My facial expression changed; it became harder.”

Martha nodded. She found herself in Alva’s description.

“Then came the year when I had one infection after another. I couldn’t get back on my feet properly. A friend persuaded me to take a trip to London with her. We could stay with her godparents. I had no desire for a city visit but still went. In the end, she was constantly out exploring the city, and I stayed with her godparents. They were a blessing for me” Alva smiled when she thought of the two of them.

“We had hour-long conversations where I realized that my mother did not treat me on an equal footing. And that ultimately, I was pursuing her goals and not mine. That was a turning point in my life.”

“Were you angry with your mother?”

“Angry, but mostly hurt and sad. I realized that my mother did not give me a sense of unconditional love, a “I love you the way you are”. Instead, I sensed rejection of my person if I didn’t achieve the school performances she hoped for. Rejection is a very intense feeling.”

“That sounds pretty intense. How did you deal with it?” Martha looked at Alva questioningly.

Our inner child

“I learned to accept my feelings. To allow the anger towards my mother. At that time, I distanced myself from her. And I took care of my wounded inner child.”

Trauriges Kind mit Teddybaer steht fuer All you need is Love

“How did you do that?”

“I imagined how an adult would react: with a lot of love and understanding. Learning to treat myself with compassion was the path to healing. Because often, we are our harshest critics. And acceptance was another crucial step: to accept my past as part of me. Today, I am grateful for the strong relationship I share with my mother. The journey to this point was occasionally challenging, but it has been rewarding. I remembered how loving and caring she was as well.’

Alva paused briefly before continuing. “She also has a wounded inner child. In the grand scheme of things, our longing is for love and acceptance. All we need is love.”

Martha looked thoughtful. “For me it’s not quite as intense. I didn’t experience rejection, but I come from a very performance-driven family. More in the sense of ‘Come on, you can do more. I know you can achieve more.’ That can be quite exhausting. I will definitely try the inner child thing. Any advice for me?”

Alva smiled at Martha. “How would you approach a stressed child?”

Martha hesitated. “Take away the stress?” She looked at Alva inquiringly. Her smile confirmed that Martha should continue.

“I remember when I had the bike test in elementary school. I was so nervous. My teacher was really sweet. She took me aside, as if we had all the time in the world. Then she knelt in front of me, took both of my hands, and calmly said to me: ‘You’re just doing what we practiced over and over. I know you can do it. And besides, I’ll be right there on the sidelines the whole time. You’ll feel me.’ And that’s how it was. It was even kind of cool. I would do something like that with the little child. ”

Alva smiled. “There you have your answer.”

Martha didn’t say anything at first. She thought about what she had just said. In her memory, she was the 9-year-old child again. Finally, she broke her silence.

“After that, did you start your B&B business?”

“No, that wasn’t the time yet.” Alva smiled. “But I did become self-employed as a lawyer. After my processing, I had a new clarity. I had a good experience with the insurance company, but now it was time to move on.”

Alva took a sip of her mulled wine. “I realized that I enjoyed working with people, people of all kinds. I found it fulfilling to support them in their concerns. However, if a concern did not align with my values, I also rejected clients. It was a good and very instructive time that I wouldn’t want to miss. And now I have my B&B. But that’s a story for another day. Do you already know how things will go for you, Martha?”

Aufgeschlagenes Buch steht fuer All you need is Love

“Well, first, I will lovingly take care of my inner child. Just like my teacher did with me back then. That felt really good. Or now with you: calm and loving acceptance. I need that. And then I will see. One step at a time. And it fits that it’s Christmas now: the festival of love. Wow, that sounds really wise now. I think you’re rubbing off on me, Alva.”

Martha choked on her mulled wine as she burst into laughter. It felt good to be so carefree. She hadn’t felt this light in a long time.

“Oh no, now I’ve spilled mulled wine on your beautiful blanket.” Martha looked embarrassed.

“No worries. I not only have a family recipe for mulled wine but also one for stains.” Alva laughed. “First lemon juice, later salt, and before it goes into the washing machine, a little ox-gall soap.”

“Can I ask you one more thing, Alva?” Martha was pensive.

“One more thing before I go to the washing machine.” Alva smiled.

“Tell me, Alva, wouldn’t it do most people good if they dealt with their wounds? I have the impression that there are a whole lot of people out there who could really use that.”

“Absolutely. If we weren’t so preoccupied with ourselves, our ego, we could act from a completely different clarity. And, we would also gain a better understanding of other people. For me, an important realisation was that people who are at peace with themselves do not harm others. Conversely, if people treat you in any demeaning way, the problem lies with them and not with you. That’s their issue, not yours. And don’t make it yours.”

“So, all we need is love?”

“Absolutely right, my darling, love is all we need.” Alva smiled. (“All you need is love” – Soundtrack from the film “Love Actually”)

“Oh, Alva, where did you get all this wisdom from?”

“Well, I’ve been living a few more years than you, Martha,” Alva replied with a smile. “And then, I’m interested in people, their behavior. As a lawyer, my good understanding of people came in handy alongside my legal knowledge. And it always starts with us. It is very helpful when we know ourselves. When we know what or who triggers us.”

“So, now the blanket has to go into the washing machine so that the stain comes out.”Viele Herzen stehen fuer All you need is Love

Merry Christmas & a year filled with joy

This year, Christmas would be entirely relaxed. Martha needed that. Alva and Daniel celebrated in Germany together with their guests from Spain, England, and of course, Germany.

As expected, there was a lot of eating and drinking, and even more laughter. The weather even provided an opportunity for walks in the snow, and in the evening, they all sat together comfortably in front of the fireplace, telling stories (the later the evening, the funnier 😆 ) and singing songs (At that moment, Alva’s cat would always leave the room.  😮 )

***

Cozy, relaxed, and lively – these are probably the words that best describe Christmas at Martha, Alva & Daniel’s with their guests. Letting go and immersing oneself in the magic of this time.

That’s exactly what I wish you, too. A Christmas season that allows you to unwind with plenty of space for relaxation and your needs. An immersion into the magic of this special time that invites you to dream.

Of course, fun should not be missing. Just like the cozy, relaxed, and lively atmosphere at Martha, Alva & Daniel’s with their guests.

For the new year, I wish you a good dose of lightness and joy in life. May you approach each day with a positive determination to discover the good it holds for us. – ‘Why seek far afield? See, the good is so close.’ (inspired by Goethe).

And remember: All we need is love. Love is all we need.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Viele Herzen stehen fuer All you need is LoveHappy HolidaysKerze in Form eines Herzes steht fuer All you need is Love

(Deutsch) Schlechte Angewohnheiten ablegen

Sugar Breaking bad habits

Breaking bad habits

Do you know the feeling of eating past the point of comfortable fullness? Using food to stuff down the frustration of a dysregulated nervous system? Having a glass of wine or two is also often a habitual response after a stressful day of work and easily becomes a default reaction. Or, staying up too long, spending time on things that don’t do you any good. Other bad habits can easily be found. Stop! This blog entry isn’t about dwelling on bad habits but about breaking them.

Let’s have a look at our brain

I’d like to share with you what I’ve read in the magazine Psychologies, June 2023, about our brain and how to lose bad habits – a very powerful article, so I find. ‘We only have a limited amount of energy each day, and it’s our brain’s primary objective to ensure that we have sufficient energy in the right place, at the right time, so that it can meet our body’s demands. This is called our body budget, and certain things we do replenish this energy, and other things we do deplete this.’ I’ve already mentioned some depleting habits. We’ll come to the replenishing ones a bit later. Let’s go on with getting a better understanding of our brains and thus our habits first.

Our brains only have limited resources. So, if we indulge in depleting habits, our brain has to decide how to allocate its limited resources. As a consequence we might be left without sufficient energy to meet some of our body’s most basic needs. No wonder we’re feeling exhausted and might become ill. The thing is our brain isn’t automatically programmed to do the right thing by us. Why is that? If it always had to process all the things that are thrown at it in real time, it would collapse. Our brain neither has the time nor the capacity to do so. As a result, it is proactive rather than reactive, and it predicts what will happen next. How? Based on past actions.

Automatisms save energy

Let’s say you have developed a habit of eating sweets (= past actions) when being stressed. When we eat sweet foods the brain’s reward system gets activated. Our brain then associates sugar with feelings of happiness and when done repeatedly a routine is established which gradually leads to an automatism, finally regulated by our subconscious mind. So, every time you’re feeling stressed, you will have a craving for sweets.

It is much more energy efficient for our brains to look for the path of least resistance which uses up the least energy than having to make decisions every time when faced with choices. The path of least resistance is based on our past actions, the familiar. This is why old habits die hard.

You will be thinking now that there must be something we can do about it. And you’re right.

Our brains’ impressive capacity to adapt

The answer lies in the neuronal plasticity of our brains, ‘… the brain’s ability to change and adapt because of experience. Research has demonstrated that the brain continues to create new neural pathways and alter existing ones in response to changing experiences.’ (tutor2u)

In other words: ‘We have to create new experiences in our brains of what we do want, for it to draw on in the future.‘ (Psychologies) The new experiences we create have to become a new habit, so that neural pathways are created. New habits to fall back on to knowing that our brain reacts proactively, predicting future actions.

Look on the bright side

Professor Samuele Marcora, a certified sports scientist & exercise physiologist, researches the importance of the brain and perceived effort on performance. In an experiment he had two groups of test teams who were to ride a bike as long as possible. They were shown, for milliseconds, displays of faces. One group with smiling ones, the other one with sad ones. The group who were shown the smiling faces did better and perceived the physical strain as less hard. What makes it special: None of the participants were able to consciously register the faces. (Podcast: Prof Marcora and the Psychobiological model of endurance performance)

When there’s no smiling face around you, put on a smile yourself. 🙂

It’s not all plain sailing

Sounds good? It does but let’s be realistic, it takes time and effort to change old habits. It’s often easier to fall back onto old habits although we know they don’t do us good. Why is that? Because they often guarantee instant gratification in contrast to the new ones which need to develop first and create pathways in our brain, that takes time.

But it’s the good habits which will give us energy and long-term health. Being patient pays off in the end. But how can we get there?

Glas Wasser mit Zitrone Orange um schlechte Angewohnheiten abzulegen

Breaking bad habits

  • Have everything prepared

Let’s say you want to swap your habitual glasses of wine after work for a glass of water. Have everything ready waiting for you, invitingly arranged to please your eyes, so that you don’t automatically fall into this habit of yours when you finish work but think first before reacting on autopilot. Everything should be waiting in place for you, so that taking the first step into a new direction should be as easy as possible. Having everything organised in advance also means using up less energy for your brain which it can make better use of otherwise.

When you prepare the glass of water, do so consciously and imagine how it replenishes your energy level. The more you’re focused on what you’re doing, the better your brain can use this information for future predictions in your interest. And keep repeating; this is how new pathways are created.

  • Positive self-talk – with understanding & compassion

We’re all not perfect, we’re bound to fall back into old habits, that’s pretty normal especially when adversity strikes. Emotions can both enhance and interfere with changing habits depending on which ones we are driving or colouring the experience. On the flipside, we know from research that positive emotions contribute to successful and sustainable results.

So, rather than beating yourself up, be your own cheerleader by speaking to yourself in encouraging, kind and reinforcing ways. Prof Samuele Marcora advises his athletes to give themselves a positive self-talk. They will then perceive the physical challenges as less exhausting. Also to run with a smile on their faces.

Your energy level will be replenished when you treat yourself well and remember: You can always have a fresh start. Our brains are incredibly plastic.

  • Reward yourself

Dopamine regulates reward-related behaviour. Food is a reward, it especially was in the past when food was scarce and helped us survive. But if we want to get away from the instant gratification with the negative consequences to an energy-replenishing lifestyle, we have to train to strive towards the longer term goals: with rewards.

This can be as simple as rewarding yourself with reading an interesting magazine (Psychologies:-) in the afternoon or going for a walk, cuddling your cat; you name it. It doesn’t have to be costly but it has to be important and rewarding for you; something you look forward to.

  • Look for support

Look for people who support you, family & friends or realise your goals together with others in a group.

They are the ones who can encourage you when your motivation is low. And it will give you a boost of confidence when you do the same for them.

And, it’s often more tun together:-)

  • Understanding how your brain works

Psychologies have put it aptly when they wrote that ‘It can feel like we’re in a constant battle with our brain, when we know what we want to do but don’t seem able to stick to it.’ This is why I’ve put a lot of focus on explaining how our brain works at the beginning of this article because of change to be effective, you need to understand what’s going on in the background.

When we understand how our brain works, its reactions don’t seem arbitrary anymore but they show the very clever mechanisms in the background that ensure the proper functioning of our brain.

And, it also shows that we hold the power in our hands to make changes in our favour.

  • Take small steps

We know from research that most people fail because they set the bar too high. I’ve written a blog entry about Making your goals reality in which I give an example of how I managed to drive from Germany to England by car after a car accident some years before which was a huge challenge for me.

Again, Psychologies give a very good explanation why change has to come slowly and gradually. ‘Change is inherently dangerous to us and that is why most people feel uncomfortable with it. If we try to change too much in one go, our body feels unsafe and that’s when we can go into threat mode, which is not conducive to creating new, energy-giving habits.’

Additionally, taking small steps is bound to be more successful because learning is one of the most energy demanding things we can do. Our brain needs time to process what it has learned, allow the new things to sink in in order to become the new norm.

Our coaching trainers always said: ‘Take baby steps. One step after the other.’ You can’t force these things, take it easy instead and give yourself the time you need for sustainable, healthy changes. Your body, mind and soul will be grateful for your patience.

Overview:

  • Have everything prepared
  • Positive self-talk – with understanding & compassion
  • Reward yourself
  • Look for support
  • Understand how your brain works
  • Take small steps

And don’t forget

  • to be proud of yourself. It’s absolutely great what you’ve achieved!
  • to enjoy life and let things be. 🙂

Step by step Treppenstufen

If you’re interested

but still feeling a bit overwhelmed and find you need some extra help, you can book a free taster session. – I look forward to hearing from you.

 

 

(Deutsch) Salutogenese – Was hält uns gesund?

Sorry, this entry is only available in German.

Zwei Glaeser mit Beeren für Salutogenese was uns gesund haelt

Salutogenese – Was hält uns gesund?

Salutogenese, die Wissenschaft von der Entstehung und Erhaltung von Gesundheit, finde ich als Resilienz-Trainerin natürlich besonders interessant: Was hält uns gesund? Tatsächlich trägt mich aber der Gedanke der Sinnhaftigkeit – ein wichtiger Bestandteil der Salutogenese – schon seit langer Zeit.

Ein Beispiel: Im Sommer 2019 hatte ich einen so schmerzhaften Hexenschuss, dass mich mein Sohn mit dem Schreibtischstuhl an der Treppe „abholen“ musste, nachdem ich mich auf dem Popo rutschend die Treppe hoch bzw. runter bewegte. Die Schmerzen waren heftig und ich war natürlich alles andere als begeistert.

Gleichzeitig mussten wir immer wieder lachen, weil die Situation auch eine gewisse Komik hatte. Meine Besuche beim Chiropraktiker sorgten zumindest für Erzählstoff, die Behandlung als solche war einfach nur ätzend, aber hilfreich.

Immerhin, das Ganze hat mir sehr deutlich gezeigt, dass ich dringend etwas machen muss. Seitdem mache ich wieder konsequent Yoga. Es ist nicht alles perfekt und ein Physiotherapeut musste nachhelfen, aber das Wichtigste: Es tut mir gut. Und ich bleibe konsequent dran: auf körperlicher Ebene und auf mentaler; z.B. Umgang mit Stress. Letztere ist mein Job 🙂 .

Frau die sich bewegt und weiss dass Salutogenese uns gesund haelt

Was ist Salutogenese und wie kann ich mich gesund halten?

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(Deutsch) Kundenstimmen Coaching & Business Coaching

testimonials Coaching & Business Coaching

Testimonials Coaching & Business Coaching

Testimonials from my clients:

Coping with stress

The coaching I had with Bettina regarding how to cope with stress in my job took place in a very casual atmosphere which I really appreciated. Bettina is a very good listener and has the ability to ask smart questions that helped me to listen to myself much better.

The questions Bettina asked are paired with sensitivity and acknowledgment which gave me the sense of being in good hands all the time with my problem.

Due to the positive way of describing my character trait I felt comfortable all time and nevertheless I got encouraged to think about why I cannot cope with stress right now.

Even though, I think I am somewhat reflected, Bettina gave me food for thought combined with hints not only how I can handle stress situations, but also how I can prepare myself for future stress situations. In addition to that I learned to follow up on former stress situations to know how to react next time facing such situation.

Bettina is very good with people and she’s very empathetic which makes it easy for her to find appealing examples for each person.

Frauke from Germany

I was stuck

Bettina helped me in a difficult time. I was stuck and didn’t know where to go. She coached me (resilience coaching) and helped me find clarity, “What is it I really want?” and structure my life. I am a bit of a scaredy cat, can’t help it.

Bettina helped me realise that it’s got a lot to do how you view things: changing your mindset and also connecting with your body. It’s amazing!

The resilience circle is a great tool to help me in my everyday life and when I really don’t know what to do, I can call Bettina, she’s only a phone call away. What I like best about her? She’s really caring. She gave me a great feeling of understanding and acceptance.”

Sarah, at the moment in Frankfurt (Germany)

Find time for myself

“I want to thank you for helping me find time for myself and for helping me discover what I really want out of life. You have been so patient and understanding, and have put up with many indecisions, encouraging me, and getting me past that many doubts I had.

During the past year my self-confidence has improved, I know it’s still an ongoing process, but the progress I have made has really made a difference to my life. I am now in a situation where I have many positive options and have a choice in what I decide to do. As a result of your help and guidance I have already started carving out a new career for myself.

I now feel I have a future to look forward to and yes there will be challenges along the way, but that’s life. You have helped me gain the life skills I need, to accept and deal with the issues that come along. I feel I have emerged from chaos and can now move on with focus and create the life I want. This is thanks to you; I could not have done it alone. Thank you for coaching me.”

Sue, Usingen

Encouragement and support

“Bettina is a wonderful coach. She has been a great source of encouragement and support. With her gentle and intuitive guidance, she helped me to identity my strengths, change perspective, clarify my values and focus an what really matters.

Her coaching sessions were very well structured. She also reminded me to trust and value myself.

Thank you very much, Bettina! The inner picture work was an unforgettable experience. You have touched my heart and I’m very grateful for your support!”

Patrícia, Frankfurt

Trouble moving forward

 

“I was frustrated and having trouble moving forward towards some of my goals. Bettina was able to get me to question some of the fears and anxities I had about these goals.

She helped to uncover some of the limiting beliefs that were holding me back so that I could let go of them and move forward. I now feel much more confident and ready to achieve my dreams!”

A.G., USA

Tremendous enthusiasm

 

”Bettina has tremendous enthusiasm for the coaching process. She is a positive, generous, and encouring coach who helped me to celebrate progress and realize I was making positive, lasting changes in my life.”

Christine, Lecturer, PhD candiate, Mom, Netherlands

Walking beside me

“For 5 months Bettina has been walking beside me as my coach …

I’ve talked to her about everything – from what motivates people, how to deal with hurt feelings, how to reach balance in your life, how to think about things from a different perspective, how to let other people be like they are.

What’s nice is that over Skype we can either talk or type or video chat. In addition, you are more flexible. Beside that, I highly appreciated that we could have our conversations in German & English.

I really loved the way we build up a relationship & a commitment between us. There was never a moment of feeling alone. This was an exellent basis for moving forward & achieving my goals.

Thank you very much for your great support (and your coaching)!”

E.-M. Grossmayer-Gurney, Austria.

 

 

 

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(Deutsch) Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation

Sorry, this entry is only available in German.

Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation
Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation

Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation – online & Präsenzformat

Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation – online & Präsenzformat: Auf dieser Seite lasse ich meine Kunden sprechen. Was haben sie über meinen Resilienz-Training mit Elementen aus Applied Improv zu sagen?

Wer sich kennenlernen möchte, muss zu Bettina!

“Liebe Leser*in,

als jemand, die mit vielen Hemmungen zu kämpfen hat, möchte ich euch Bettina herzlichst empfehlen.

In kürzester Zeit hat Bettina die Gruppendynamik erkannt und konnte auf die individuellen Bedürfnisse der Teilnehmenden ihr Angebot anpassen. Durch ihre respektvolle und unterstützende Art erkannte ich: “Ich bin nicht mehr das kleine Schulkind!”

Und vor allem bin ich neugierig auf mich und meine noch schlummernden Fähigkeiten geworden!

Wer nicht nur Englisch, sondern auch sich kennenlernen möchte, muss zu Bettina!”

Simona aus Bad Homburg

Empathie & Wertschätzung auch online möglich
Mein Notfallkoffer – eine gute Variante, um Stress abzubauen

“Es war mein 1. online Resilienz-Coaching in dieser Art und ich war sehr skeptisch, weil ich mir nicht vorstellen konnte, ob ein ResilienzCoaching mit vielen unbekannten TeilnehmerInnen online funktionieren würde. Das Thema kannte ich schon, doch hatte ich mir aus dem letzten Kurs mitgenommen, dass Übung und Wiederholung für die eigene Resilienz essentiell sind.

Kurzum – Das Coaching hat online sehr gut funktioniert.
Es gab neben vielen fachlichen Informationen Übungen, bei denen wir Teilnehmer uns kennenlernen konnten.

Unser Coach Bettina Bonkas hat es mit viel Empathie und Wertschätzung geschafft, sich auch online ganz wunderbar in die verschiedenen Stimmungen und Bedürfnisse der Teilnehmer einzufühlen. Damit war es persönlich und individuell.

Für den Alltag habe ich mir den sogenannten Notfallkoffer zusammengestellt. Der ist eine gute Variante, um kurzfristig Stress abzubauen und sich nicht im Strudel negativer Energien zu verlieren. Vielen lieben Dank an Bettina und die KollegInnen für die schöne Zeit.”

Liebe Grüße
Daniela, Raum Gießen

Interessant, kurzweilig und kreativ

Toll fand ich an unserem Coaching (neben den sehr netten Teilnehmerinnen),  wie du die Themen auf sehr interessante, kurzweilige und kreative Art mit uns erarbeitet hast (Improvisation). Du warst auch immer sehr einfühlsam und bist auf uns und unsere Stimmungen eingegangen. Du hast uns bestärkt und uns ein gutes Gefühl gegeben – das hat immer sehr gut getan.

Vielen lieben Dank nochmal dafür.
Ruth aus Bad Homburg

Ich fühle mich erfüllt und bereichert

Liebe Bettina,

ich möchte mich auf diesem Weg gerne noch bei dir für die tolle Woche bedanken.

Wir hatten es kurz besprochen, ich glaube fest daran, dass die Menschen und Dinge die einem begegnen sollen, das auch tun und für mich persönlich, denke ich, kam das Resilienz-Coaching mit Improvisation zu einem sehr guten Zeitpunkt.

Ich nehme so viel mit aus dieser Woche, daher auch der Betreff meiner E-Mail (My cup is full). Ich finde diesen Ausdruck im Englischen sehr treffend, denn so geht es mir tatsächlich 😊: ich fühle mich erfüllt und bereichert! 😊

Ich möchte mich bei dir dafür bedanken, dass du es so wunderbar verstanden hast, die Gruppe zusammenzuführen und eine echte Verbindung zwischen den Teilnehmern herzustellen. Für deine Energie und dein Lachen, deine Einfühlsamkeit und Offenheit für jede Einzelne von uns, deine Stärke und Unterstützung! Und deine Begeisterung für das Thema, die sich total in der Art, wie du den Kurs für uns gestaltet hast, widergespiegelt hat!

Den theoretischen Inhalt habe ich auch als Neuling im Thema durch deinen angenehmen Erklärstil super verstehen können.
Die Selbstreflexion war für mich sehr emotional, schwierig und intensiv, hat mir aber auch viele neue Impulse und Denkanstöße und auch Hoffnung gegeben.
Und der interaktive und Impro-Teil des Coachings hat mir (unerwarteterweise) oft total Spass gemacht 😅😊 😊.

Ich wünsche dir ganz viele schöne Momente und Erlebnisse, viele interessante Teilnehmer, ganz viel Glück und Stärke und Sonnenschein! (In Anlehnung an das Sonnenkind-Prinzip.)*

Ganz liebe Grüße
Natalie (aus Lich)

*Anm.: Zum “Sonnenkind in Dir” habe ich einen Blogbeitrag geschrieben.

 

Continue reading “(Deutsch) Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation”

(Deutsch) Kundenstimmen Englisch frei sprechen

Sorry, this entry is only available in German.

Kundenstimmen - Englisch frei sprechen

Kundenstimmen Englisch frei sprechen

Kundenstimmen Englisch frei sprechen

Kundenstimmen Englisch frei sprechen: Auf dieser Seite lasse ich meine Kunden sprechen. Was haben sie über meinen

beide mit Elementen aus Applied Improv?

Über den Tellerand hinausschauen

“Unsere English-Lunchs werden unseren Mitarbeitern sehr gerne besucht. Denn Bettina Bonkas & Kollegen speisen diese besonderen Mittagspausen mit kurzweiligen Gesprächen und greifen dabei interessante Themen aus dem aktuellen Zeitgeschehen & der Geschäftswelt auf.

Dadurch fühlen wir uns animiert, gedanklich auch  mal über den Alltag – also über den Tellerrand – hinauszuschauen.

Auf die unterschiedlichen Sprachniveaus wird sehr gut eingegangen und auch die weniger sprachbegeisterten Kollegen werden animiert, ihre Meinung in eine Diskussion einfließen zu lassen oder bei Spielen dabei zu sein.

Unserem Wunsch, ein unkonventionelles Sprachcoaching in einer lockeren & entspannten Atmosphäre zu bieten, kommt Be Connected voll und ganz nach.”

Marion Krebs, KIT-Technologies GmbH

Eine Bereicherung, nicht nur für die Sprachkenntnisse unserer Mitarbeiter

“… Das Sprach-Coaching von Frau Bonkas und ihrem Team zeichnet sich durch eine sehr hohe Professionalität aus. Sie verfügen über sehr gute Fach- und Methodenkenntnisse und sind dabei äußerst engagiert. Ihr Coaching findet in einer entspannten und anregenden Atmosphäre statt und bezieht die verschiedenen Lerner-Persönlichkeiten mit ein.

Frau Bonkas hat die Fähigkeit, zu Menschen sehr schnell eine Beziehung aufzubauen und sie sowohl thematisch als auch auf persönlicher Ebene mitzunehmen. Als akkreditierter Coach und Resilienz-Practitioner geht sie zusätzlich auf die individuellen Bedürfnisse unserer Mitarbeiter ein und erzielt damit hervorragende Ergebnisse.

Unsere Mitarbeiter freuen sich auf das Sprach-Coaching und empfinden die Zeit als Bereicherung, nicht nur für ihre Sprachkenntnisse. Frau Bonkas bringt immer wieder Elemente aus der angewandten Improvisation in ihr Coaching mit hinein und gibt damit dem Coaching eine angenehme Leichtigkeit und unseren Mitarbeitern mehr Sicherheit, nicht nur beim Sprechen …”

Manja Teichmann, Director People Partner DACH, FIS Systeme GmbH

Meine Mitarbeiter waren begeistert

“Wir haben in unserem Unternehmen Englisch-Coaching in 3 Leistungsstufen wöchentlich über eineinhalb Jahre mit Bettina durchgeführt.

Meine Mitarbeiter waren von dem professionellen Coaching und das individuelle Eingehen auf die einzelnen Leistungsniveaus begeistert.

Es ist schön zu sehen wie die Fortschritte in der tägliches Praxis Anwendung finden und zum Einsatz kommen.”

Christian Wagner, Geschäftsführer Elektro Wagner GmbH

Praxisnahes Coaching in entspannter Atmosphäre für unsere Mitarbeiter

“Frau Bonkas und ihrem Team ist es gelungen, mit ihren guten Fachkenntnissen und ihrer Professionalität unsere Mitarbeiter erfolgreich zu unterrichten. Dabei haben sie viel Engagement und Einfühlungsvermögen bewiesen.

In ihrem Coaching haben sie die unterschiedlichen Lernerpersönlichkeiten berücksichtigt und ihre Methodik entsprechend angepasst.

Besonders hervorzuheben ist, dass das Coaching sehr praxisnah war. Das Coaching fand in einer vertrauensvollen und entspannten Atmosphäre statt, in der unsere Mitarbeiter frei sprechen konnten und mögliche Hemmungen abgebaut haben.

Hervorheben möchten wir auch den sehr freundlichen und kundenorientierten Service. Bei Frau Bonkas haben wir eine sehr gute Beratung bekommen, in der unsere Bedürfnisse als Kunde im Zentrum standen. Sie hat bei der Auswahl ihrer Kollegen immer eine sehr sichere Hand bewiesen.”

Georg Remmers und Monika Neuer, Heraeus Holding GmbH

Bettina holt das Beste aus den Kunden raus

“Ich war im Nov. 23 zu einem 4-stündigen “Yes, I can” – Englisch frei sprechen”- Coaching. Da ich schon seit 3 Jahren in einem wöchentlich stattfindenden Kurs teilnehme, kannte ich Bettina und wusste, dass es eine entspannte Zeit wird und ich keine Angst davor haben muss, mich zu blamieren.

Nachdem das Eis zwischen den anderen Teilnehmern, die ich alle nicht kannte, innerhalb weniger Minuten geschmolzen war, ging es los mit erst etwas schüchternen Gesprächen, denn auch das Eis zur Sprache muss immer wieder tauen, besonders wenn man sich nicht kennt.

Bettina hat sich tolle Spiele ausgedacht, in denen nicht nur Phantasie gebraucht wurde, sondern auch Koordination und um-die-Ecke-Denken, was im Englischen “think out of the box” heißt. Es hat alles viel Spaß gemacht und
wir haben sehr viel gelacht.

“Fehler sind erlaubt” ist Bettinas Leitsatz für ihre Kurse und so sieht man nicht nur die eigenen Fehler, sondern merkt sehr schnell, dass alle anderen auch nicht perfekt sind. Sonst bräuchte man ja auch das Coaching nicht besuchen.

In dieser kleinen Gruppe in einem privaten Raum darf man auch sich selbst ausprobieren und es ist mir gelungen, von meiner sonst eher zuschauenden Rolle auch mal in eine führende zu schlüpfen, die Gruppe von meiner Idee zu überzeugen und diese umzusetzen. Das war eine sehr schöne Erfahrung. Wohlgemerkt natürlich auf Englisch.

Leider habe ich im Alltag keine Gelegenheit, Englisch zu sprechen. In diesem kurzen Kurs habe ich aber gemerkt, dass ich nur etwas Mut und passende
Gesprächspartner brauche und schon kann´s los gehen. Das Coaching hat mich definitv in Punkto Mut, Umdenken, Alternativen finden noch mehr gefestigt.

Ach übrigens: Durch Ihre Tätigkeit als Resilienz-Practitioner holt Bettina immer nur das Beste aus den Teilnehmern raus. Barsche Kritik sucht man hier vergebens.

Im ersten Spiel sollte man über sich berichten, was man besonders gut kann. Spontan sind mir viele Dinge eingefallen, die ich nicht gut kann. Aber hier versucht Bettina schon sofort, uns ins richtige Denkmuster einzuloten: Yes, I can.

Diese vier Stunden haben sich gelohnt. Gerne wieder.”

Alexandra aus Schmitten

Wer sich kennenlernen möchte, muss zu Bettina!

“Liebe Leser*in,

als jemand, die mit vielen Hemmungen zu kämpfen hat, möchte ich euch Bettina herzlichst empfehlen.

In kürzester Zeit hat Bettina die Gruppendynamik erkannt und konnte auf die individuellen Bedürfnisse der Kunden ihr Angebot anpassen. Durch ihre respektvolle und anleitende Art erkannte ich: “Ich bin nicht mehr das kleine Kind!”

Und vor allem bin ich neugierig auf mich und meine noch schlummernden Fähigkeiten geworden!

Wer nicht nur Englisch, sondern auch sich kennenlernen möchte, muss zu Bettina!”

Simona aus Bad Homburg

Mehr als nur ein Englisch-Coaching

Ich habe mich für einen Intensivkurs (1 Woche “Yes I can! Englisch frei sprechen”) angemeldet. Es war mein erstes Englischcoaching, daher hatte ich keine großen Erwartungen, außer dass es anstrengend und eventuell eintönig werden könnte.

Schon nach ein paar Stunden am ersten Kurstag war ich begeistert von der Art, wie Frau Bonkas das Coaching gestaltet.

Ich hatte nicht das Gefühl, einen „Englischkurs“ zu machen, was mit langweiligem, sturem Lernen in Verbindung gebracht wird, sondern es war für mich vielmehr ein Tag voller Spaß und keine Sekunde langweilig. Ich habe mich sehr wohl gefühlt und die Stunden sind schnell verflogen. Auf diese Art Englisch zu lernen kannte ich nicht aus meiner Schulzeit, auch nicht von Bekannten, die von ihren Englischkursen berichteten.

Frau Bonkas ist sehr einfühlsam und geht auf die Bedürfnisse von jedem einzelnen Kunden ein, ohne dabei den Fokus zu verlieren und wichtige Themen außer Acht zu lassen. Ich hatte das Gefühl, es war mehr als nur ein Englisch-Coaching, da Frau Bonkas mich auch innerlich sehr bestärkt hat und mir Werkzeuge an die Hand gegeben hat, mit denen ich besser und einfacher lernen kann. Das ist nicht nur für die englische Sprache, sondern für viele Situationen im Leben anwendbar.

Sie ist fantastisch in ihrer Art zu coachen. Respektvoll und mit viel Freude an ihrer Arbeit führt sie die Kunden an die englische Sprache heran. Ich kann es jedem weiterempfehlen. Ich würde immer wieder weitere Coachings bei Frau Bonkas buchen.

K. aus Bad Homburg

Continue reading “(Deutsch) Kundenstimmen Englisch frei sprechen”

(Deutsch) Schönes zum Ausgleich

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Innere Stärke in herausfordernden Zeiten
Damit die äußere Krise nicht zu meiner inneren Krise wird

Woche vom 16. März 2020
Zur Zeit überschlagen sich die Schreckensmeldungen. Jeden Tag ein bisschen mehr. Und jeden Tag werden wir unsicherer. Natürlich sind wir beeinflusst von der Stimmung im Land und unseren ganz realen Ängsten: Sind meine Liebsten betroffen: Gesundheitlich angeschlagene Kinder und Partner, ältere Eltern? Welche Auswirkungen wird es für mich persönlich haben: gesundheitlich, beruflich?

Was uns hilft während der Krise

Wir sind von einer massiven Krise betroffen: Die Unsicherheit über den weiteren Verlauf der Coronapandemie verunsichert sehr viele. Derzeit haben wir auf viele unserer Fragen keine Antworten. Auf diese müssen wir warten, das macht uns hilflos. Und doch sind wir nicht hilflos. – Was gibt mir Halt und innere Stärke während der Coronakrise? Da gibt es viele Dinge, wir müssen sie uns nur klarmachen. Beispielsweise etwas Schönes genießen, wie einen Spaziergang bei blauem Himmel ohne Kondensstreifen, die frischen Knospen, die ausschlagenden Bäume, die man nur dann sieht, wenn  man genau hinschaut.

Continue reading “(Deutsch) Schönes zum Ausgleich”

(Deutsch) Die Wirkung von Freundschaft

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In meinem letzten Beitrag ging es um Leute, die uns herausfordern, insbesondere im beruflichen Umfeld. Solche Menschen können uns manchmal viel abverlangen. Sie geben uns aber auch die Möglichkeit zu wachsen und uns zu entwickeln.

Genauso wichtig ist es aber auch, dass wir uns mit Menschen umgeben, die uns guttun. Continue reading “(Deutsch) Die Wirkung von Freundschaft”

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