All we need it love

Sternenglanz steht fuer All we need is Love

All we need is love: Lately, I’ve been experiencing many people as tired: tired because of too much work. Tired because of personal burdens. Tired after Corona, or currently again because of Corona. Tired due to the terrible wars and bad news that seem to have no end. My firm belief is that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. And ‘Why seek far afield? See, the good is so close.’ (inspired by Goethe). Yes, goodness can also be found in our daily lives. And with the will to shape, we can contribute to it. Perhaps my short story is an inspiration for you to positively transform something in your life. Enjoy: All we need is Love.

Continuation of “Mulled wine tastes good in Scotland”:

All we need is Love by Bettina Bonkas

That was the best news ever: Alva was back.

When Alva told her that she would come to Germany for a while to reopen her B&B, Martha immediately booked a stay with her. Alva’s partner was on a long tour with his band, and she had decided not to join this time. Instead, she would run her B&B. As much as she loved Scotland, where she now lived, she missed Germany. His tours offered a great opportunity to combine both: her B&B and Germany. In Germany, Alva was confident she would find a solution on how to connect both worlds in the future: a life in Scotland and Germany.

What a wonderful feeling to be back with Alva. Martha lay in her cozy room under the roof with a view of the castle park. She got up, walked to the window, and watched the birds picking food from the birdhouse. There was a lot of activity out there; it had snowed overnight.

This was something she still needed to learn: to incorporate moments of calm into her hectic life, like now with the birds. Doing nothing and just being. Okay, there was definitely room for improvement.

When she was ready, she went downstairs to Alva’s kitchen. The scent of coffee and fresh rolls wafted towards her. How she loved Alva’s kitchen: the vanilla-coloured kitchen furniture, the wooden table with cozy chairs, and the floorboards that creaked a bit when you walked on them. The flower boxes on the balcony were decorated with fairy lights. Oh, how beautiful! From the kitchen, you could also see the castle park. Everything had been covered with a layer of white powder overnight.

“Oh Alva, how I missed all this.” Martha hugged her caring friend, and Alva squeezed her tightly.

The two women sat at the kitchen table for a while, talking about Alva’s new life in Scotland, about Daniel, her partner, and about everything under the sun. But they didn’t talk about Martha. She appreciated that Alva gave her the space to open up. She needed that.

Martha used her time with Alva for walks through the old town. She often imagined who lived in the houses and what they were doing. For her, the Christmas season was a time full of magic that invited her to let her thoughts wander. And she used the time for walks in nature. She wanted to clear her mind.

Weihnachtlich geschmueckter Kamin mit zwei Stuehlen steht fuer All you need is Love

Fireplace Conversations

The two had settled comfortably in the living room in front of the fireplace. How Martha loved this room, the whole house, in fact. They sat in their armchairs, their feet resting on footstools, warmly wrapped in cable knit blankets. Just like last year. It was so comforting after a year full of turbulence.

“Thank you for giving me the space I needed.” Martha looked at her mulled wine.

Alva smiled.

“It has been a lot this year. I feel like I need a lot of peace right now.”

“Do you give it to yourself?” Alva looked at her questioningly.

“By necessity. I’m tired, so incredibly tired. I find it hard to switch off, constantly think about what still needs to be done, sleep poorly, I’m just exhausted. And world events are not exactly conducive to relaxation. My doctor strongly advised me to reduce my stress level. Well, and now I’m here with you. Where can I unwind better than with you?” Martha smiled.

“Would you like to talk?”

“I found your story, you told me last year, Alva, really powerful, and also your statement that it’s easy to fall into the victim role. However, I believe that I might be a bit too much in the other direction right now.”

Martha remained silent. Alva gave her the time to find the right words for her thoughts.

“I’m so much in the mode of doing and achieving that I no longer really know what I want. I’m somehow more and more cut off from my inner self.” Martha fell silent.

Alva did not immediately break the silence.

Wegweiser in zwei Richtungen steht fuer All you need is Love

Change of Direction

“You know, Martha, what I told you last year about how I dealt with my experiences, that was a process. When we take a certain, for us unhealthy, direction, we first have to recognize that it is not the right one for us. That’s the first step. Then it takes time to figure out where we want to go. And only then can we set out on our journey.” Alva took a sip of her mulled wine.

“This is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. When you discover something new about yourself, you have to give your brain time to integrate it. To make it a part of you. It’s exhausting to run in the wrong direction, pursue a goal that is not yours. It costs a lot of energy. That was an intense learning process for me.”

Alva paused briefly before continuing. “I noticed that you take time for walks and quiet. It’s good that you do that. Your body and soul need rest now.” Alva smiled at her.

“Oh Alva, I just missed all this so much. The calm at your place does me so much good. I can just be here with you. Suddenly I see things much clearer.” Martha leaned back on her chair with a sigh.

“I realized here with you that I’m currently a bit too much in the other direction. I’m so busy performing, delivering results that I’ve become more and more disconnected from my inner self.”

“Who do you want to impress?”

Martha fell silent before answering hesitantly, “My boss? My team? My colleagues? I don’t know.”

“I want to tell you something, Martha. I don’t know if you know that I studied law.”

Martha shook her head.

Career is everything. Or not?

“That was a long time ago.” Alva smiled. “My degree wasn’t sufficient for civil service, where I originally wanted to go. I found a job in an insurance company. I liked it. A solid insurance company. Good working atmosphere, nice colleagues & superiors, and good pay.” Alva took another sip.

“But that wasn`t good enough for my mother. She didn’t say it directly, more implicitly. With remarks about the son of a friend who had a successful law firm and how proud her friend was of him. Or the daughter of another friend who was a prosecutor. I made an effort and became a team leader. But, of course, a team leader is not a prosecutor.”

Glas mit Gluehwein der auch in Schottland schmeckt

Alva poured herself some more mulled wine. “I somehow had the impression that I had to make an enormous effort to achieve something. It felt exhausting. Also, I felt that over time, I became more stressed and irritable.” Alva leaned back.

“I lost my softness. Softness and empathy were not suitable for my job, so I thought. Instead, I wanted to be cool, show no weakness, and prove to the world that I had everything under control. My facial expression changed; it became harder.”

Martha nodded. She found herself in Alva’s description.

“Then came the year when I had one infection after another. I couldn’t get back on my feet properly. A friend persuaded me to take a trip to London with her. We could stay with her godparents. I had no desire for a city visit but still went. In the end, she was constantly out exploring the city, and I stayed with her godparents. They were a blessing for me” Alva smiled when she thought of the two of them.

“We had hour-long conversations where I realized that my mother did not treat me on an equal footing. And that ultimately, I was pursuing her goals and not mine. That was a turning point in my life.”

“Were you angry with your mother?”

“Angry, but mostly hurt and sad. I realized that my mother did not give me a sense of unconditional love, a “I love you the way you are”. Instead, I sensed rejection of my person if I didn’t achieve the school performances she hoped for. Rejection is a very intense feeling.”

“That sounds pretty intense. How did you deal with it?” Martha looked at Alva questioningly.

Our inner child

“I learned to accept my feelings. To allow the anger towards my mother. At that time, I distanced myself from her. And I took care of my wounded inner child.”

Trauriges Kind mit Teddybaer steht fuer All you need is Love

“How did you do that?”

“I imagined how an adult would react: with a lot of love and understanding. Learning to treat myself with compassion was the path to healing. Because often, we are our harshest critics. And acceptance was another crucial step: to accept my past as part of me. Today, I am grateful for the strong relationship I share with my mother. The journey to this point was occasionally challenging, but it has been rewarding. I remembered how loving and caring she was as well.’

Alva paused briefly before continuing. “She also has a wounded inner child. In the grand scheme of things, our longing is for love and acceptance. All we need is love.”

Martha looked thoughtful. “For me it’s not quite as intense. I didn’t experience rejection, but I come from a very performance-driven family. More in the sense of ‘Come on, you can do more. I know you can achieve more.’ That can be quite exhausting. I will definitely try the inner child thing. Any advice for me?”

Alva smiled at Martha. “How would you approach a stressed child?”

Martha hesitated. “Take away the stress?” She looked at Alva inquiringly. Her smile confirmed that Martha should continue.

“I remember when I had the bike test in elementary school. I was so nervous. My teacher was really sweet. She took me aside, as if we had all the time in the world. Then she knelt in front of me, took both of my hands, and calmly said to me: ‘You’re just doing what we practiced over and over. I know you can do it. And besides, I’ll be right there on the sidelines the whole time. You’ll feel me.’ And that’s how it was. It was even kind of cool. I would do something like that with the little child. ”

Alva smiled. “There you have your answer.”

Martha didn’t say anything at first. She thought about what she had just said. In her memory, she was the 9-year-old child again. Finally, she broke her silence.

“After that, did you start your B&B business?”

“No, that wasn’t the time yet.” Alva smiled. “But I did become self-employed as a lawyer. After my processing, I had a new clarity. I had a good experience with the insurance company, but now it was time to move on.”

Alva took a sip of her mulled wine. “I realized that I enjoyed working with people, people of all kinds. I found it fulfilling to support them in their concerns. However, if a concern did not align with my values, I also rejected clients. It was a good and very instructive time that I wouldn’t want to miss. And now I have my B&B. But that’s a story for another day. Do you already know how things will go for you, Martha?”

Aufgeschlagenes Buch steht fuer All you need is Love

“Well, first, I will lovingly take care of my inner child. Just like my teacher did with me back then. That felt really good. Or now with you: calm and loving acceptance. I need that. And then I will see. One step at a time. And it fits that it’s Christmas now: the festival of love. Wow, that sounds really wise now. I think you’re rubbing off on me, Alva.”

Martha choked on her mulled wine as she burst into laughter. It felt good to be so carefree. She hadn’t felt this light in a long time.

“Oh no, now I’ve spilled mulled wine on your beautiful blanket.” Martha looked embarrassed.

“No worries. I not only have a family recipe for mulled wine but also one for stains.” Alva laughed. “First lemon juice, later salt, and before it goes into the washing machine, a little ox-gall soap.”

“Can I ask you one more thing, Alva?” Martha was pensive.

“One more thing before I go to the washing machine.” Alva smiled.

“Tell me, Alva, wouldn’t it do most people good if they dealt with their wounds? I have the impression that there are a whole lot of people out there who could really use that.”

“Absolutely. If we weren’t so preoccupied with ourselves, our ego, we could act from a completely different clarity. And, we would also gain a better understanding of other people. For me, an important realisation was that people who are at peace with themselves do not harm others. Conversely, if people treat you in any demeaning way, the problem lies with them and not with you. That’s their issue, not yours. And don’t make it yours.”

“So, all we need is love?”

“Absolutely right, my darling, love is all we need.” Alva smiled. (“All you need is love” – Soundtrack from the film “Love Actually”)

“Oh, Alva, where did you get all this wisdom from?”

“Well, I’ve been living a few more years than you, Martha,” Alva replied with a smile. “And then, I’m interested in people, their behavior. As a lawyer, my good understanding of people came in handy alongside my legal knowledge. And it always starts with us. It is very helpful when we know ourselves. When we know what or who triggers us.”

“So, now the blanket has to go into the washing machine so that the stain comes out.”Viele Herzen stehen fuer All you need is Love

Merry Christmas & a year filled with joy

This year, Christmas would be entirely relaxed. Martha needed that. Alva and Daniel celebrated in Germany together with their guests from Spain, England, and of course, Germany.

As expected, there was a lot of eating and drinking, and even more laughter. The weather even provided an opportunity for walks in the snow, and in the evening, they all sat together comfortably in front of the fireplace, telling stories (the later the evening, the funnier 😆 ) and singing songs (At that moment, Alva’s cat would always leave the room.  😮 )

***

Cozy, relaxed, and lively – these are probably the words that best describe Christmas at Martha, Alva & Daniel’s with their guests. Letting go and immersing oneself in the magic of this time.

That’s exactly what I wish you, too. A Christmas season that allows you to unwind with plenty of space for relaxation and your needs. An immersion into the magic of this special time that invites you to dream.

Of course, fun should not be missing. Just like the cozy, relaxed, and lively atmosphere at Martha, Alva & Daniel’s with their guests.

For the new year, I wish you a good dose of lightness and joy in life. May you approach each day with a positive determination to discover the good it holds for us. – ‘Why seek far afield? See, the good is so close.’ (inspired by Goethe).

And remember: All we need is love. Love is all we need.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Viele Herzen stehen fuer All you need is LoveHappy HolidaysKerze in Form eines Herzes steht fuer All you need is Love

(Deutsch) Resilienz-Coaching fuer Innere Staerke & Gelassenheit

Sorry, this entry is only available in German.

eine Bruecke in der Natur die symbolisch fuer ein Resilienztraining fuer Innere Staerke und Gelassenheit steht
RESILIENZ-coaching fuer innere Staerke & Gelassenheit

Resilienz-Coaching fuer Innere Staerke & Gelassenheit

Resilienz, auch das “Immunsystem der Seele” genannt, ist eine Kernkompetenz, die wir bewusst erlernen können. Krisen können wir nicht verhindern, aber unseren Blick darauf, unsere Gedanken können wir beeinflussen und damit zu mehr Klarheit finden. Aus einer Haltung der Klarheit können wir viel bewusster agieren. Mein Resilienz-Coaching richtet sich an Personen, die ihre Innere Stärke & Gelassenheit steigern möchten für mehr Lebensfreude & Lebendigkeit.

Ein Eindruck per Video

Und ein Hintergrund zum Video

Ein nicht ganz so perfektes Video

Resilienz:  Die Kunst der inneren Stärke

Herausforderungen begleiten unser Leben auf vielfältige Weise. Manche sind vorhersehbar – der Auszug von Kindern oder der Ruhestand können solche Herausforderungen sein. Andere kommen völlig überraschend, wie z.B. der plötzliche Arbeitsplatzverlust, die Coronapandemie oder aktuell der Krieg in der Ukraine.

Aber auch unsere Leistungsgesellschaft fordert den Menschen einiges ab: Stress bei der Arbeit, in der Schule & im Studium, Vereinbarkeit von Familie & Beruf, das zunehmende Streben nach Selbstoptimierung, beruflich wie privat und nicht zuletzt die hohen Anforderungen, die wir selbst an uns stellen und von Seiten der Gesellschaft.

Unsere Herausforderungen sind vielfältig und gleichzeitiger werden wir immer bewusster. Negativer Stress wird sich nie ganz vermeiden lassen, aber wir können lernen, gesünder damit umzugehen. Auch resiliente Menschen erleben Herausforderungen und können sogar zeitweise den Boden unter den Füßen verlieren, aber sie stehen schneller wieder auf. Ihre emotionale Stabilität hilft ihnen, mit der Krise und den Stresssituationen des Alltags umzugehen.

Resilienz lebt vom Üben, wie alle Fertigkeiten, die Menschen scheinbar mühelos beherrschen. Mit diesem Resilienz-Coaching für Innere Stärke & Gelassenheit erhälst Du die Möglichkeit dazu und bekommst die psychologischen Grundlagen, die Dir helfen, Dich selbst und andere besser zu verstehen.

Warum dieses Resilienz-Coaching?

Ein Resilienzcoaching für alle, die

  • die Wirkungskraft von Resilienz kennenlernen möchten,
  • nach Wegen suchen, um konstruktiver mit Ängsten, Unsicherheiten und Stress umzugehen,
  • auch unter den veränderten Lebens- und Arbeitsbedingungen leistungsfähig und gesund bleiben wollen,
  • mehr Freude & Lebendigkeit in ihr Leben bringen möchten.

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(Deutsch) Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation

Sorry, this entry is only available in German.

Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation
Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation

Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation – online & Präsenzformat

Kundenstimmen Resilienz & Improvisation – online & Präsenzformat: Auf dieser Seite lasse ich meine Kunden sprechen. Was haben sie über meinen Resilienz-Training mit Elementen aus Applied Improv zu sagen?

Wer sich kennenlernen möchte, muss zu Bettina!

“Liebe Leser*in,

als jemand, die mit vielen Hemmungen zu kämpfen hat, möchte ich euch Bettina herzlichst empfehlen.

In kürzester Zeit hat Bettina die Gruppendynamik erkannt und konnte auf die individuellen Bedürfnisse der Teilnehmenden ihr Angebot anpassen. Durch ihre respektvolle und unterstützende Art erkannte ich: “Ich bin nicht mehr das kleine Schulkind!”

Und vor allem bin ich neugierig auf mich und meine noch schlummernden Fähigkeiten geworden!

Wer nicht nur Englisch, sondern auch sich kennenlernen möchte, muss zu Bettina!”

Simona aus Bad Homburg

Empathie & Wertschätzung auch online möglich
Mein Notfallkoffer – eine gute Variante, um Stress abzubauen

“Es war mein 1. online Resilienz-Coaching in dieser Art und ich war sehr skeptisch, weil ich mir nicht vorstellen konnte, ob ein ResilienzCoaching mit vielen unbekannten TeilnehmerInnen online funktionieren würde. Das Thema kannte ich schon, doch hatte ich mir aus dem letzten Kurs mitgenommen, dass Übung und Wiederholung für die eigene Resilienz essentiell sind.

Kurzum – Das Coaching hat online sehr gut funktioniert.
Es gab neben vielen fachlichen Informationen Übungen, bei denen wir Teilnehmer uns kennenlernen konnten.

Unser Coach Bettina Bonkas hat es mit viel Empathie und Wertschätzung geschafft, sich auch online ganz wunderbar in die verschiedenen Stimmungen und Bedürfnisse der Teilnehmer einzufühlen. Damit war es persönlich und individuell.

Für den Alltag habe ich mir den sogenannten Notfallkoffer zusammengestellt. Der ist eine gute Variante, um kurzfristig Stress abzubauen und sich nicht im Strudel negativer Energien zu verlieren. Vielen lieben Dank an Bettina und die KollegInnen für die schöne Zeit.”

Liebe Grüße
Daniela, Raum Gießen

Interessant, kurzweilig und kreativ

Toll fand ich an unserem Coaching (neben den sehr netten Teilnehmerinnen),  wie du die Themen auf sehr interessante, kurzweilige und kreative Art mit uns erarbeitet hast (Improvisation). Du warst auch immer sehr einfühlsam und bist auf uns und unsere Stimmungen eingegangen. Du hast uns bestärkt und uns ein gutes Gefühl gegeben – das hat immer sehr gut getan.

Vielen lieben Dank nochmal dafür.
Ruth aus Bad Homburg

Ich fühle mich erfüllt und bereichert

Liebe Bettina,

ich möchte mich auf diesem Weg gerne noch bei dir für die tolle Woche bedanken.

Wir hatten es kurz besprochen, ich glaube fest daran, dass die Menschen und Dinge die einem begegnen sollen, das auch tun und für mich persönlich, denke ich, kam das Resilienz-Coaching mit Improvisation zu einem sehr guten Zeitpunkt.

Ich nehme so viel mit aus dieser Woche, daher auch der Betreff meiner E-Mail (My cup is full). Ich finde diesen Ausdruck im Englischen sehr treffend, denn so geht es mir tatsächlich 😊: ich fühle mich erfüllt und bereichert! 😊

Ich möchte mich bei dir dafür bedanken, dass du es so wunderbar verstanden hast, die Gruppe zusammenzuführen und eine echte Verbindung zwischen den Teilnehmern herzustellen. Für deine Energie und dein Lachen, deine Einfühlsamkeit und Offenheit für jede Einzelne von uns, deine Stärke und Unterstützung! Und deine Begeisterung für das Thema, die sich total in der Art, wie du den Kurs für uns gestaltet hast, widergespiegelt hat!

Den theoretischen Inhalt habe ich auch als Neuling im Thema durch deinen angenehmen Erklärstil super verstehen können.
Die Selbstreflexion war für mich sehr emotional, schwierig und intensiv, hat mir aber auch viele neue Impulse und Denkanstöße und auch Hoffnung gegeben.
Und der interaktive und Impro-Teil des Coachings hat mir (unerwarteterweise) oft total Spass gemacht 😅😊 😊.

Ich wünsche dir ganz viele schöne Momente und Erlebnisse, viele interessante Teilnehmer, ganz viel Glück und Stärke und Sonnenschein! (In Anlehnung an das Sonnenkind-Prinzip.)*

Ganz liebe Grüße
Natalie (aus Lich)

*Anm.: Zum “Sonnenkind in Dir” habe ich einen Blogbeitrag geschrieben.

 

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(Deutsch) Schönes zum Ausgleich

Sorry, this entry is only available in German.

Innere Stärke in herausfordernden Zeiten
Damit die äußere Krise nicht zu meiner inneren Krise wird

Woche vom 16. März 2020
Zur Zeit überschlagen sich die Schreckensmeldungen. Jeden Tag ein bisschen mehr. Und jeden Tag werden wir unsicherer. Natürlich sind wir beeinflusst von der Stimmung im Land und unseren ganz realen Ängsten: Sind meine Liebsten betroffen: Gesundheitlich angeschlagene Kinder und Partner, ältere Eltern? Welche Auswirkungen wird es für mich persönlich haben: gesundheitlich, beruflich?

Was uns hilft während der Krise

Wir sind von einer massiven Krise betroffen: Die Unsicherheit über den weiteren Verlauf der Coronapandemie verunsichert sehr viele. Derzeit haben wir auf viele unserer Fragen keine Antworten. Auf diese müssen wir warten, das macht uns hilflos. Und doch sind wir nicht hilflos. – Was gibt mir Halt und innere Stärke während der Coronakrise? Da gibt es viele Dinge, wir müssen sie uns nur klarmachen. Beispielsweise etwas Schönes genießen, wie einen Spaziergang bei blauem Himmel ohne Kondensstreifen, die frischen Knospen, die ausschlagenden Bäume, die man nur dann sieht, wenn  man genau hinschaut.

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